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In Sickness & In Health

In Sickness & In Health

At the end of November, I became acutely ill and was taken to hospital. An operation was scheduled for December 31st, and today is December 21st, and it's true to say I'm not feeling at my best.

Here is a personal comment on my reactions to this, and an article entitled "In Sickness & In Health" which I wrote for an unpublished book for magical people.

Since Spring, I've been writing an unusual book chapter by chapter in the member's club, entitled, "The Rich & Healthy Witch" which contains simple articles on various aspects of life style advice for magical people. Magical people are those who have a sense of there being more to the world than mechanics, that things are alive and have spirits, and that there is a Great Creative Order that holds and loves it all.

People whose psychic circuitry is active are simply very different in their needs, in their approaches to life and also in what they need to do to make this incarnation work. Finding success on the stock market and getting your nails done three times a week doesn't cut it for magical people; they think, feel and act differently to the majority of folk that make up and set the rules of society.

The chapter that is called "In Sickness & In Health" would never have been written if I hadn't gotten sick - that's a weird thing in and of itself.

And I am aware that a lot of people will say, "Well, she's sick, so clearly, she's got no good advice to give to anyone."

I would say to that that I have struggled for the last 50 years with the HUGE challenges of being a magical person and keeping my act together on all the various planes of existence - somehow.

I had virtually no guidance or help along the way, and it may be so that what I finally learned and then started to put into practice simply came too late to make me particularly rich, or particularly healthy.

This does not mean however, that what I've learned along the way isn't valuable.

Indeed, I hope that much of what I've said on all these topics will AVOID the misery I've experienced for other people - that's why I wrote the book in the first place.

If I'd come across this book 20 years ago, I might not be in the state I'm in today. In fact, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be.

I've been slashing my way with my trusty machete through the jungle for 50 years and yes, I'm exhausted. But I found many things along the way that can help, and many that can help me now.

And one more thing.

There was a time when I made the decision, very consciously, to concentrate on the needs of the energy body, how the energy body and the energy mind works in my exploration.

There are already millions upon millions of people working with herbs, chemicals, physical nutrition and physical healing out there.

I wanted to bring back the energy body and through the energy body, the energy worlds, and make it so that there would be at least SOME people who started to understand how ENERGY really works, how we people experience it, what it does for us, and how important it is to understand it.

That was and is my life's work, absolutely, uncompromisingly.

In this work, it is true that I have neglected the physical body and burned the candle at both ends, and in the middle as well, but as they say, someone had to do it, and I never knew just how much time I had left, that's why I've always worked quite literally as though there was no tomorrow.

I don't know now if there is one, if I'll get better physically, or perhaps I'll die.

But I will tell you absolutely that I have no regrets.

To have been given the gift of the worlds of energy, to have played there, known that, touched that, has made my life MIRACULOUS - every single day of it.

It has been an incredible journey, so much more than I've ever, ever hoped for or even could believe that there could ever be for me.

It was worth it.

I'm happy that I've been the champion of energy, and I'm gladly giving up a few extra decades to have been that and blazed a trail for others to follow, make it easier, and make it so in the future that the energy body is taken seriously and treated right alongside the physical body, with as much attention and money, time and effort given to the energy body as is given to the physical.

Hopefully, future generations find a better balance again as once existed in the older, wiser societies on this Earth; and my contribution has done something to frame this old knowledge of actual existences in such a way that modern people can do something with it, and bring love and logic together once again.

I'm sorry that I'm not a more enlightened being than I am; and I apologize profoundly for not being perfect. I'd love to be perfect - perfect beauty, perfect health, perfect tranquility and all that.

Perhaps if I'd had all of that, we wouldn't be here, and I wouldn't have been driven to do what I've done, and perhaps that's the way it works, that imperfect people in their quest to find answers are the ones who actually manage to make a contribution in the end.

I don't know, to be sure.

There is one thing I can tell you though.

When it comes to sickness, and dying, potentially or actually, if you DON'T have the energy worlds to be by your side, you're royally fucked, and that's a fact.

As it is, I'm sick but I'm happy and incredibly grateful for the journey.

Not kidding, no jokes.

And that's worth something, I'd say.

Now here's the chapter on what I learned about sickness, and health for a magical person.

Wishing you the best of all worlds,


December 21st, 2009

Sickness & Health article illustration - health diamonds


In Sickness & In Health

So it came to pass that during the writing of this book and after 50 years of absolutely unabating good health, one fine December night I keeled over and was carted off to hospital.

I'd only been in hospital once before, during the birth of my 1st child, and never for any reasons relating to actually being sick, so it was an all new experience for me.

However, from my many magical friends over the years I was very aware of the deep incongruency that exists in 1st World westernized health care, and the life and belief of a magical person.

I've known many people who have been deeply disturbed by wrestling with whether to seek modern medical treatment or to follow their deepest heart felt beliefs and trust in nature and magical cures.

Many have felt that it was some kind of test of their faith in a greater Creative Order that they should say no to blood transfusions, to operations, to chemicals and drugs, to radiation treatment and all that technical medicine entails.

This is of course a real problem because such thoughts only increase stress on the totality system and make a difficult time of adjustment and processes of the physical body even more difficult than they might need to be.

How individual and deeply personal our lives really are doesn't become any more apparent or obvious than when sickness, disease, accident, pain, sickness and death come to call.

It is then that illusions crumble, and we have an opportunity for honest one-on-one time with the Universe and all the forces within it.

I can only offer you my observations on the topic; as with all things, this is your life, and eventually, it will be your death, and your soul's journey, in all ways, the journey that no-one can take for us, although there are many who would take it with us, and will support us, if we let ourselves be open to this.

"Being Sick"

To be honest, dear reader, I don't understand the concept of "being sick".

What does that mean?

How does one decide or declare that "I am sick"?

I think the idea of being sick gets formed in childhood, by observing others being sick and how this is being treated by people and society; and also, by personal experience.

For example, a lot of people today measure their idea of sickness by whether or not they would be "fit enough to go to school".

This may sound absolutely ridiculous if we're talking about a mature major magician who has just been diagnosed with a death threatening illness; but it's true.

I noted that when I was "sick" *I* wasn't sick all over.

For example, my hands were still working.

So was my heart, my feet, my mind and really, most of me - apart from one place in my body that was not happy and where things were going wrong.

This set me to thinking about what we mean by being sick, and what kind of instructions we are giving to ourselves, what limits we set on what can and cannot be done when not every single part of our bodies is running at maximum capacity.

I started to think about what I could do during this time of physical uplheaval.

And the list just grew longer, and longer, and longer.

I certainly could think.

I could dream, vision, envision, sense, hear and feel.

I could pray, talk, meditate, sing, hum, whisper, intone.

I could write, draw, sculpt, take photographs.

That was the tip of the iceberg.

Many other things could be done, albeit in smaller measure or shorter bursts, or just in different ways altogether.

I could still walk - not miles, but certainly a few steps.

I could do many things, if not nearly all of the things I would do when I am "healthy", if there was some common sense and judicious foresight employed.

For example, instead of washing up everything and cleaning the kitchen in one fell swoop, I could do a bit, rest, and then a bit more, rest again, and then a bit more, and soon enough, it would all be done.

So I started playing around with the ideas of sickness and how it might be not such a good idea to make a distinction, like a light switch on, or off, between being sick and healthy.

Perhaps the distinction we should be making was between being dead, or alive.

Are you dead, or are you alive?

We have discussed at length in other chapters how what a magical thinks and believes in SHAPES THEIR REALITY.

This is never more essential than when we are supposed to be sick.

Waking up and thinking, "I'm sick ..." is just not very helpful on any level - even if in societal terms, that's what you are, stuck in bed, in a hospital, in a wheelchair, seemingly helpless and hapless.

At the very least, an instruction such as "I am sick" is going to depress your energy system, and that's the very last thing a person needs when they need to repair themselves or come to terms with different states of being and doing than they were previously used to.

So I stopped thinking that I'm sick, or wondering just how sick I was being at any time, and instead started asking myself, "Am I alive?"

Interestingly enough, the sicker you are, the easier that question is to answer - if you're in pain and great discomfort, it's pretty obvious, "Damn right I'm alive! And suffering like a dog, thanks for asking!"

But either way, there is NO DOUBT as to the answer to the question.

Yes, of course you're alive.

Very much so.

And being alive, you in your totality are still doing all sorts of things, all the time, and you have it in you to do more than you could possibly have anticipated by watching non-magical folk sinking into the stupor of illness, depression and hopelessness.

That is like a trance that can and must be broken.

You might be like I was just a few weeks ago - fit and healthy, a stranger to illness and malfunction of the body and you might think this is irrelevant, but there are many interesting lessons here for all of us, because this concerns not just sickness, it concerns LIFE itself and how we live it.

Giving & Taking

I had a wonderful mystical experience at a moment of deepest distress.

I was very scared, in a lot of pain and thought I was going to die any moment. My mind was flailing around, desperate for something to hold on to, not wanting to fall into an abyss of darkness and despair.

At which point I heard a voice and it said, "Find something to love."

It was a true turning point in the deepest part of the night.

I thought of something to love, and the first thing that came to my mind was raindrops on the window, with the light behind them, sparkling them like diamonds.

The very second I connected with that and loved it, something turned - quite physically, noticeably, like a huge energy waterwheel slowing down and starting to spin the other way, bringing refreshing moisture, bringing healing, bringing hope and all good things that had not been there in my moment of desperation, back to me.

I thought of more things to love then, and loved more things. First it was nature, then it was my children and my friends, then it was my work and my life, and finally I got round to loving my body and especially the parts that were having trouble and needed lots of love to keep up the good fight.

There, I must have fallen asleep.

When I woke up, the world was a different place and I remembered the lesson of the dark night with incredible gratitude.

And I understood where I and so many others had been going wrong.

We are brought up to think that when you're sick, you're helpless and you need healing from others.

You are to all intents and purposes like a bucket into which healing needs to be poured and that's what is going to make you well.

But that's only partially true, and without the other side of the coin, namely the power of the INDIVIDUAL engaged, that big waterwheel that started to spin in the other direction when I started DOING SOMETHING, namely loving something, over half of the true process of healing is absent.

The way out of the sickness trance is to GIVE SOMETHING.

Especially when you think that you have nothing left to give - because that's the big mistake we've made, that's the big fault in our thinking about sickness and healing.

Even a person who is totally comatose still has a spirit, and that spirit can still be asked to bless you, if you're the healer, to engage that movement OUT OF helplessness and INTO flowing healing energies through your entire mind, body and spirit.

It is in asking the "sick" person to give whatever they've got to give is where the tide really turns.

And the sicker you think you are, the more important it is for you to seriously start loving things, blessing things, GIVING SOMETHING, even if it is one weak thought, to set that process in motion from your end that brings if not physical healing, then a form of SPIRITUAL HEALING that is quite priceless.

It is right here that we reconnect our physical bodies with the most spiritual aspects of ourselves and breach that divide between the physical, and the energetic - a divide that in truth, exists nowhere but in the heads of men.

This isn't difficult, and I found it did something amazing.

When I was finally taken to hospital after the revelation of that special night, I was taken as a magical person.

I WAS myself - a magical person and I didn't lose that.

I didn't lose it through being processed like a factory chicken in the hospital. I didn't lose it in my dealings with the people who worked there and did their best under the circumstances. I didn't lose it throughout the various interventions, many of which I would rate as being probably not that helpful, and certainly not the best that could be done.

Whenever things got tough or scary, I simply focused on what I had to give - there were many things that needed a touch of loving and of blessing, so many invitations in the hospital to give a little something magical to the grounds, the building, the many spirits roaming there, the people who work there and the people who suffer there ...

Perhaps if more magical people were to allow themselves to go through these processes rather than rejecting them so wholeheartedly (although I certainly understand why someone would choose to take that course of action, and I would NEVER EVER tell another magical person what would be best for them, for only they and their guardians can know that!) then perhaps these places such as hospitals would start to change.

Perhaps these places and the people who work there NEED LOVE AND BLESSINGS above all else to start moving THEIR big waterwheels into a direction of true healing and beyond just physical repair, where they seem to be stuck at this time.

Perhaps it is of the essence that we understand that every single time we can manage a loving, we are changing the world for the better - and at the same time, doing the right thing for ourselves, engaging our own healing powers in the right way, and what will the outcome of that be in the long run?

I cannot say.

The fact is that I saw so powerfully in the hospital ward just a few days ago HOW BLESSED WE MAGICAL PEOPLE REALLY ARE.

We have all the worlds, all of nature.

We have a great creative spirit which we can feel in our own bodies and something that we believe in.

We have guardians and guides, the beauty of crystals and the power of herbs and plants, the glory of sunsets and the sense of a soul's journey that doesn't cease when the physical body takes its final breath.

Just for one moment, imagine what it would be like to be ill in hospital - AND NOT TO HAVE ANY OF THAT.

The sorrow is overwhelming.

The compassion is overwhelming.

And from that, by all means let a sense of gratitude and blessing emerge from the very center of your being that you have this magic, that it has come to you somehow, and that you have been blessed with living in a totally different world to those who can't see and feel and experience as we do.

YOU are a blessing.

YOU are a blessing even if you can't walk around, if you're in pain, if you're in a coma.

Your spirit will continue to love and bless YOU, every part of YOU and through YOU, all those around you like a wellspring nourishes all around itself in a barren desert.

And when the worst comes to the worst, and for as long as you can, remember to love something.

In sickness and in health, it is the greatest gift of all.


SFX December 2009

Posted Dec 22, 2009   
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